Issue #5 Daddy

Holy crap my shoulders are killing me! That's what shoveling snow will do for you. And it's STILL snowing. For many years, I always hoped for a white Christmas, but this is ridiculous. There are many unexpected workouts you can get in the snow though:

• Pushing your shopping cart to your car.
• Carrying your bags and child instead of pushing a shopping cart through the snow.
• Dragging your children in a sled.
• Climbing a mountain to sled yourself.
• Pushing your neighbor out of their driveway.
• Hauling your garbage to where the curb used to be.
• Climbing a hill to get to your mailbox.
• Dressing your 3 year old twins for the snow. It takes about 45 minutes!

I feel like I had a successful day despite the snow. Here's a run down of what teachers do on their winter break:

• Slept in
• Ran 3.5 miles/climbed 1.5 miles on various inclines on the treadmill
• Drove to pet store #1 with my twins and mother
• Went to a gift basket store
• Drove to pet store #2 (which disappointed me since they were out of crickets which we needed)
• Fought through crowds at WalMart
• Fixed myself lunch
• Made 2 calendars for gifts
• Cut out, labeled and sorted my kids' school pics
• Printed pics for picture frames
• Made and decorated Christmas cookies with my sons
• Fixed dinner
• Supervised the building of a gingerbread house
• Changed diapers...the smelly kind times 2
• Read books to my boys
• Tucked them all in (It's like a sleep over every night at our house)
• Wrapped 6 presents
• Munched on popcorn and diet cocoa
• Blogged

I'm trying to keep busy because I'm totally stressing about tomorrow. My father is coming to see us and I have seen or spoken to him in over 2 years. This has been by choice for me. He's coming because my brother is only in town for 2 weeks and then he's going back to where he's stationed in the Army. This is the only reason I agreed to have them over. I want to see my little brother. I am worried though. I have a bottle of wine in my fridge and I'm hoping I don't chug it before 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. Every time I see my dad I'm a mess for days. I cry uncontrollably and wonder why he hates me so much and how we see our past so completely differently. I have daddy issues. That's another one of my issues and it's a doosey. Honestly, you can see in my high school pics of where I was a normally weight, my dad kicked me out of his house, and suddenly BAM fatness struck me. I know that I'm not supposed to suppress all of my feelings into the 2 containers of sugar cookies I just made, but I'm worried I will anyway. I have to figure out a way to let me anger out without adding it to my ass. I think if I plan blog what I'm feeling afterwards tomorrow, maybe I'll channel my anger and get a grip. I have always wanted to write him a letter to tel him how I really feel since I never say anything. I simply avoid. I think my plan to help me tomorrow is to write him the letter I always wanted to here on my blog. He'll never read it, but I hope it will make me feel better. It will be stinky to have such a negative blog on Christmas Eve, but I need to have some productive plan other than drinking my sorrows away. Maybe I should invest in a punching bag too?