Thursday, September 18, 2008

Feeling More "Normal" One Day at a Time

Ack I don't know how you folks do it keeping up with posts, commenting, etc. plus work and kids. Anyhoo, my 8 miler on Saturday was interesting to say the least. I run on a paved trail used by many walkers, bicyclists, roller-bladers, runners, etc. In fact, it goes from one city in my state to a neighboring city in another state...over 30 miles just one way. As I started on the trail, I saw tons of signs saying, "Caution Walkers Ahead." There were also signs of encouragement from business owners and family members. As I was going in for my first 4 miles, it was busy but no major walking event that I could see. As I was coming back for my 2nd 4 miles, I was coming down from a slight hill and there I saw them. Herds of them. Hundreds of them. Walkers all just starting their walk in the same direction I was headed. They were walking to raise money and awareness for ALS. I thought it was great because I wasn't sure what ALS was so I made sure to look it up when I got home. It's Lou Gerigh's disease and it sounds horrible. A very worthy casue. But, I wasn't sure what to do since they were taking up the entire width of the trail. I didn't know if I should just run on the streets, walk behind them, or try to pass them. I did the later of the three. I was running in gravel, through bushes, under tree branches, past dogs, etc. I felt like I couldn't stop my run because I'm building endurance. This crowd came around my 6 mile marker. It took me most of the 7th mile to pass all of them, which I did. The last mile was easy sailing. I was proud that I still ran my 8 miles in 70 minutes considering the wall of people I had to move around.

I have been noticing that I am receiving compliments easier than I used to. I'm not sure if I thought I'd be conceded taking compliments or what but I mostly think I just didn't agree with their assessment. One day in particular, I had a new outfit on that the hubs and I disagreed about. I thought it was cute and he thought it was just alright. Almost all of my staff and several parents commented on the outfit (which to me proves that I have better taste than the hubs :)). But, I simply said, "Thank you," to each and every compliment. Not, "Well I used to be almost 200 lbs," or "Well you should have seen me before, " or "I'm not skinny. You're high," like I normally did. I also am finally seeing a sort of smallness to my body. When I was sitting in a meeting with other parents, for some reason I was looking at the width of my legs and hips compared to others around me. I did notice I was smaller than many of them. I'm also not doubling taking as much to my own reflection as I used to. I really am trying to "fake it til I make it" with my body image. Plus, it always makes me feel better when the scale is showing my hard work. I have been adding a lot of HIT's to my runs and it's showing on the scale. That lil bugger hadn't moved in awhile, but it's finally starting to get back to normal. I am evolving I tell you. Who would I be if I wasn't the fat, cynical, self-deprecated, class clown girl? I didn't know, but I'm starting to find out.

10 comments: Lose 80 Pounds said...

I'm glad to hear that you're starting to see youself as the fit and thin person the rest of us see (when looking at your pictures).

Keep evolving, girl! ; )

RooBabs said...

Great run time (especially considering the walkers). About ALS, my brother in law had that. He passed away in April of 2006; luckily (or not, depending how you look at it) he died from an accident, but he was already in the late stages of the disease. It's nice to hear there are fundraisers that support the cause.

About you, though, it's good to hear that you are "faking it 'til you make it". You have accomplished so much, and come so far, and it's sad to think that you aren't able to enjoy the fruits of your labor, so to speak. I hope it continues for you!!

new*me said...

great job on receiving those compliments graciously :)

carla said...

and SO TRUE.
I have found for me that almost all of life from IM A MOM NOW?! to IM A WRITER?! is fake it for a while until I feel comfy in my new identity/role.

weightloss is no different huh?


D10 said...

Glad you are starting to realize just how wonderful you are. Keep loving and embracing yourself.

Kate said...

glad your beginning to realize your awesomeness!

And congrats on the 8 miler...quite an accomplishment. I'm suppose to do 7.5 on Sunday, but the body is feeling beat up, i'm thinking I might need a cutback week.

Marcy said...

I wish they had something like that around here. My MIL has PLS (it's a form of ALS but only deals with the limbs so she won't die from it but she will be wheelchair bound eventually) What a wonderful cause.

It's hard to "get it" when you've "seen" yourself one way for a long time. You're awesome! You've come a long way!

BeachRunner said...

Way to go! The compliments are a great reward for your hard work accomplishment. It must feel so good. Direct those good vibes in positive ways, and have fun and enjoying life as the happy, healthy, fit and beautiful person you are.

N.D. said...

That's great that you are starting to feel more comfortable in your skin and get used to yourself - esp after all the hard work. Great job on the 8 miler, I would have done the same. And you finished in stellar time!

POD said...

I have relatives that died of ALS. Nasty illness/disease. However, I've also been trying to walk/bicycle through a crowd of somesortofsupporter too and that's hard work in itself.
Great to hear your running is working so well and that you are fit enough to whiz around the ALS supporters.
Also you look great and I know what you mean about compliments. Sometimes they can be hard to swallow.