Pre New Years Eve Goals and Resolutions

I know everyone is reflecting back on their year and what it meant to them. I am truly grateful for the year I had. Not that it was anything earth shattering. I have my family. We all have our health. My husband and I are still employed. I have love. What else can I ask for?

Every time I complain or look begrudgingly at my stomach with its vast stretchmarks and still loose skin (even after a tummy tuck), I need you to slap me. That's right let me have it. Why??? Because as a fellow WW member said to me in a meeting one time, "They are the marks of love. You worked so hard to have those babies. They are a blessing. And so are your stretchmarks." Now I would NEVER call my stretchmarks a blessing, but I would of my boys. And I did struggle to have them. I am lucky to have them, even when they're trying to climb up my arm, even when they tell me they want 'up' for the thousandth time in the day, even when they interrupt me on my treadmill, and even when they wake me up at an ungodly hour. I am lucky because they call me mommy, lucky that they tell me they love me more than once every day, lucky for our snuggles and rubbing noses, lucky I get to read books with them every night, and lucky that they make me smile. Wow, I am actually getting choked up writing this. Gosh I'm a sap. Anyhoo, in no particular order, these are the things I WILL work on to be a better person, mother, and wife this next year:

• Take a deep breath before losing my cool
• Do weights/toning exercises at least 3 times a week...your cottage cheese ass will thank you
• Continue running
• Do as many local races as possible including a 5K, 10K, 12K and one more half marathon
• Write a letter your dad, even if you never mail it
• Initiate boot knockin' with the hubs at least twice a month...he needs to feel wanted too!!!
• Stop staying at work past 5 o'clock...the work will NEVER be done... so get over yourself
• Lose the 10 lbs. you've gained since May
• Stop pretending that your children make you late all of the time...you're late even when by yourself!!!
• Ask others about their life...not everything is about you semi-only child!!!
• Fix your sagging tribal boobs...the hubs will thank you
• Learn to meditate...seriously...you must do something before you get an ulcer
• Be present at least with your children

**I forgot at least two more thins to work on for the New Year. The first being a decadence list that I learned about from the all powerful Miz. It's a list of things that feel good that you can turn to rather than food when upset or stressed. I started making my list in my head in my shower yesterday. Number 1 on the list, take a shower until the hot water runs out. I know it's not very green of me, but it feels soooooooo good and it's free. Also, I want to find a food table like the great Roni has since I have been a slacker at writing down my points. I know it works in weight loss, but I just haven't been doing it. ** editions

Happy New Years to all of you!

Todays workout:

• 5 min warmup
• Alternating walking and side steppin on the treadmill at various inclines
• Hill climb 20 minutes
• Cool down 5 minutes
• 50 minutes of yoga and strength training using my Wii Fit

Darn You Wii

OK I have been sore every day since I got my new Wii Fit. Are you kidding me? I thought I was in decent shape and this thing is kickin my butt! What I love about it is that it shows you demos of each exercise. Also, it will critique your form...how it know is a mystery. But you can redo it until you have it right. Plus, when you work out enough on it, it will increase the reps or give you a new exercise to try. It only starts out with a few. I can see why...so people like me don't go crazy and paralyze themselves. Yesterday, the hubs and I did balance training. I SUCK on my left side! It's really weird. The hubs is the opposite. We also tried the Yoga. OMG that is no joke. There were only 4 poses and they looked so easy. Not even close!

We did The Warrior pose,

the Tree (which I am HORRIBLE at),

the half moon,

and sun salutation. If it's a 2 footed exercise, I rock it. If it's anything on 1 foot..like the tree...forget about it!!! Then we did another set of the strength training section. The hardest move here is the pushup/plank.

Acck. I shake like I'm looking for a tip. My hubs and I had to take turns stretching each other out.

Also, I'm not the greatest cook, but I have been trying to find healthier variations to foods we love. I made my own version of a mushroom swiss burger, chicken cordon blue, and last night I tackled lasagna. I don't know how to calculate the points since I made it from a recipe but modified it. I used whole wheat noodles, extra lean ground turkey breast, low fat ricotta and mozzarella cheese, and no sugar added Ragu spaghetti sauce. I served it with whole wheat french bread with spray butter garlic salt and garlic powder. Now I believe that I am married to THE finickiest man in the world. He only eats 3 veggies (and I really don't even consider corn or potatoes real veggies). The hubs LOVED it and said he could eat it all day, every day. Success!

Today I'm trying to organize the house after the whirlwind holiday. First, I had our car dropped off to get the windows tinted as a present for the hubs. Then I did interval training on the treadmill + 15 of hill climbing for an hour total. Then, lunch for 4 boys, dishes, sorting through new clothes while removing too small clothes in kids closet, and finally lunch for me while blogging! Now I'm off to see if I can find our kitchen table!

New Toys!!!

So on my last post you saw I have daddy issues. Well, luckily for me (disappointing for my kids), he was a usual no show. He had all kinds of excuses and played the victim. Do you guys have anyone in your life that has the personality that you can't reason with them because they some how distort their reality and they can't even fathom your point of view? My dad, and a few other family members, don't see reason, they don't see facts, they see only what they want to see. It's frustrating. Anyway, I escaped that meeting but still was so stressed that I drank on Christmas Eve and Christmas. Doing so, I became the statistic and gained my 2 lbs. In 2 days. Ever see the Tazmanian Devil on Bugs Bunny? That is me after I drink alcohol. Any food that I normally wouldn't touch, I eat it, devour it, destroy it. At a rapid pace as if there is no tomorrow.

So to combat this, I got a few new toys for Christmas. First, I got a Garmin 205. This thing is HUGE. I mean, it's as thick as my wrist and wider than it. It's heavy. I have dainty wrists and usually don't wear anything on them because it will fall off. So wearing this thing will be a challenge! My husband suggested I get old school wrist bands to put under it so it doesn't hurt so much. We'll see!

My second cool new toy is a Wii Fit package and a Wii Balance Board. The hubs and I LOVE this!!! You can stand on it and it will give you your weight and BMI. Then, you go through some exercises and it calculates your Wii Fit age. On wine, I was exactly my age. While sober, my Wii Fit age was 44 (I'm 35 btw)! WTF??? Anyway, you can make weight and fitness goals for yourself and it has a variety of balancing and strength training exercises. We're already sore just from doing 1 set of 5 moves yesterday! We're really excited for the Yoga portion of the game. I have a complex (from being pointed out in a class) about doing Yoga in a class, so I'm hoping I can learn some yoga moves in the privacy of my own home. Also, my son got a Raving Rabbits game that also has activities to do on the balance board like skiing. Works your core and it's so fun!!!

Another toy I got were YakTraks for running in the snow. I tried out a friends and really liked them so my mom got me some along with a gift certificate to REI. The hubs and I went shopping yesterday and I got a new pair of gloves, a coat, and pants to run in the rain and snow. Completely off the subject, they had some Iced Gingerbread Clif Bars there. They are to DIE for!!! I wish I would have known I'd like them so much or I would have gotten more than one.

So today, it took me a really long time but here's what I did to prep for my big run in the snow:

• tank top


• long sleeve under armour shirt


• terry cloth sweatshirt
  
• new coat that's water and wind resistant


• wool socks


• yoga pants


• outdoor training pants


• head and face mask


• i-pod shuffle


• shoes


• yak traks


• gloves
  
• new Garmin (which I prayed was water resistant or I'm in trouble)

I was off. It snowed AGAIN last night, but our temp is warming up. So instead of the light fluffy snow we had before, it's now wet and heavy snow. The kind you slide around in when you try to walk. But I was determined to try it. My YakTraks said they are for walking. There is a Pro kind that said for running, so I'm not sure if I should exchange them or not. I was able to run well on the street where the plows and pavers had been. I struggled severely where it was thicker, wetter, mushier snow. Not usre if anything can help that! After about 2.5 miles, I had to ditch the gloves and terry cloth sweatshirt because I got hot fast! It was H-A-R-D to run in the snow but so fun and refreshing. I ran 4 .5 miles in 47 minutes. Any runners out there know how to post their Garmin results on their blog? I see Nike + folks be able to do it, so I wasn't sure if the Garmin can too. Anyway, it was great and I was back down 2 lbs. this morning. Two down and 8 more to go to get back down to my lowest weight. I will leave you with this pic of me in all of my gear!

Issue #5 Daddy

Holy crap my shoulders are killing me! That's what shoveling snow will do for you. And it's STILL snowing. For many years, I always hoped for a white Christmas, but this is ridiculous. There are many unexpected workouts you can get in the snow though:

• Pushing your shopping cart to your car.
• Carrying your bags and child instead of pushing a shopping cart through the snow.
• Dragging your children in a sled.
• Climbing a mountain to sled yourself.
• Pushing your neighbor out of their driveway.
• Hauling your garbage to where the curb used to be.
• Climbing a hill to get to your mailbox.
• Dressing your 3 year old twins for the snow. It takes about 45 minutes!

I feel like I had a successful day despite the snow. Here's a run down of what teachers do on their winter break:

• Slept in
• Ran 3.5 miles/climbed 1.5 miles on various inclines on the treadmill
• Drove to pet store #1 with my twins and mother
• Went to a gift basket store
• Drove to pet store #2 (which disappointed me since they were out of crickets which we needed)
• Fought through crowds at WalMart
• Fixed myself lunch
• Made 2 calendars for gifts
• Cut out, labeled and sorted my kids' school pics
• Printed pics for picture frames
• Made and decorated Christmas cookies with my sons
• Fixed dinner
• Supervised the building of a gingerbread house
• Changed diapers...the smelly kind times 2
• Read books to my boys
• Tucked them all in (It's like a sleep over every night at our house)
• Wrapped 6 presents
• Munched on popcorn and diet cocoa
• Blogged

I'm trying to keep busy because I'm totally stressing about tomorrow. My father is coming to see us and I have seen or spoken to him in over 2 years. This has been by choice for me. He's coming because my brother is only in town for 2 weeks and then he's going back to where he's stationed in the Army. This is the only reason I agreed to have them over. I want to see my little brother. I am worried though. I have a bottle of wine in my fridge and I'm hoping I don't chug it before 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. Every time I see my dad I'm a mess for days. I cry uncontrollably and wonder why he hates me so much and how we see our past so completely differently. I have daddy issues. That's another one of my issues and it's a doosey. Honestly, you can see in my high school pics of where I was a normally weight, my dad kicked me out of his house, and suddenly BAM fatness struck me. I know that I'm not supposed to suppress all of my feelings into the 2 containers of sugar cookies I just made, but I'm worried I will anyway. I have to figure out a way to let me anger out without adding it to my ass. I think if I plan blog what I'm feeling afterwards tomorrow, maybe I'll channel my anger and get a grip. I have always wanted to write him a letter to tel him how I really feel since I never say anything. I simply avoid. I think my plan to help me tomorrow is to write him the letter I always wanted to here on my blog. He'll never read it, but I hope it will make me feel better. It will be stinky to have such a negative blog on Christmas Eve, but I need to have some productive plan other than drinking my sorrows away. Maybe I should invest in a punching bag too?

Taking the Bull by the Horns

Where I live, we've gotten hit with over 3 feet of snow in 6 days. Before the snow, it was frigidly cold temps. Like a high of 3 degrees one day plus the wind blowing making it feel like -6 out. We had two school closure days so we started our winter break early. It was really fun for the kids the first couple of days, but now it's just ridiculous. It's really light snow called champagne snow so you can't even make a decent snowman with it. If my 3 year olds tried to go into my backyard I'd never seen them again. Where the snow was drifting, it's even over my 7 year old's head. I got out of shoveling until now because my husband did it or I paid a teenager to do it for me. Today was finally my day. I had my running clothes on and warmed up on my treadmill. But then, my hubs who was home sick today, needed me to venture out in the snow for cold medicine. Therefore, I bundled up with my snow pants, wool socks, 2 pairs of gloves, boots, down jacket and i-pod to do my shoveling workout. I was sweating very quickly. I'm glad this was 'light' snow since right when I heard out the plows came by and added another two feet of snow into our driveway. Ugghh. I was OK with it though since I had finally run for 5 days last week. Even though I love to run, I am not ones of these runners I read about who freak out it they can't run. I don't wake up each morning and say, "Yeah a day to go running." Not quite. But I do like the health benefits, how it makes me feel and sweat, and how I get a good workout in a shorter amount of time. I keep thinking that I will develop this true love affair with running, but I am not there yet.



After reading KK's blog, I was inspired to write about my 'core values.' To me, the things I've learned over the past several years to help get me back on track...the taking the bull by the horns. See I have become cocky. I go to my WW meetings and see other Lifetimers that have fallen on the wagon and think, "I'm glad that's not me. I don't have any trouble with maintaining." HHAAAAA I say. I have gained 9 lbs. since my lowest weight. Now the hubs has been wanting me to gain this weight and thinks I look good. I do not. I think and feel fat. I do not feel strong. I do not feel good about myself. And to top it off, ALL of the pants I fit in in the spring are too tight. My muffin top is still here. The hubs just says to get my bigger pants back out or go buy more. Buy more??? I have already gone through at least 3 complete wardrobe size changes. He should be the last person to tell me to spend more family money on new clothes. So as of now, like many other bloggers I've been reading, I am taking control of this NOW. So, here are the things I've learned, that I need to remember and put into practice:

1. Portion control is key- Measure whenever possible.


2. Eat breakfast that has a combo of carbs, protein, and fiber.


3. Track what you eat...WRITE IT DOWN.


4. Be familiar with labels.


5. Only eat when hungry...not when bored, stressed, mad, happy, etc.


6. Stop eating when full.


7. Don't eat when you're not hungry even when you're doing it to "get your points it."


8. Plan!!! Plan daily meals, plan what you will eat when you go out, and plan what to do when you're first plan falls through.


9. Prep your week. Keep bringing your weeks worth of lunches to school on Monday. It's time saving.


10. Know your trigger foods and avoid them...Cheez-It's, chocolate covered pretzels, cookies, brownies, certain breads, etc. Mostly carbs.


11. Exercise a minimum of 4 days a week 30 minutes a day.


12. Stop munching off of your children's plates.


13. Give myself me time...usually a bubble bath during nap time.


14. Reward self with nonfood items like pedicures, massages, or a new pair of shoes!


15. Be HONEST with yourself.


16. Be accountable.


17. Eat filling snacks that are a combo or protein and carbs..not just carbs.


18. Listen to the voice inside my head.


19. You don't have to starve yourself to lose weight.


20. Forgive yourself for being human.


21. Just say no to food pushers and saboteurs.


22. Know that just because you loose the weight doesn't mean you will have a perfect body.


23. Enjoy not begrudge your new lifestyle!!!

Issue #4 Managing my Stress

*Sigh* I have been doing Weight Watchers since 2005. I know about the importance of portion control, eating until you're satisfied, moving everyday, and managing your mental health. I am aware of these things. What I struggle with STILL, is managing my stress. I know that exercising is supposed to be a great stress relief. I know meditation is supposed to be cleansing for the soul. I know that you shouldn't eat mindlessly when stressed. I KNOW all of these things. I just have a hard time doing what I need to do.

For example, I knew that the beginning of the school year would be stressful for me. So, I made my goal to run my first 1/2 marathon so I would keep running. I did that and completed my race. Since then (Oct. 15) I have exercised a total of 5 (that's right...one number after 4 and not quite 6) times. To give myself one tiny excuse, I did get sick twice within weeks of each other. One a common cold. The other, I had Parvo. "Parvo? Isn't that what dogs get?" Yes I know what you were thinking because I asked my doctor the same thing. I found out the Parvo 19 is the virus that causes 5ths Disease. What's that you ask? It's in the same family as chicken pox and measles. My doc told me most people my age have already had it, but I'm special. I didn't even get chicken pox until I was 21 years old. In young children, they get a rash and their cheeks look red like they've been slapped. In old people like me, you get a low grade fever and rheumatoid arthritis symptoms that can last up to 3 months! I couldn't even pick up my kids. Normally, I can pick them both up with one arm. When I was full blown sick, I couldn't pick up one with both arms. But back to the not exercising, I have had plenty of days when I have been fine and still didn't work out. I just couldn't wake up at 5:00. I could, just didn't want to. The snooze button appealed to me more.

Some friends of mine from work heard about a Jingle Bell run here on Dec. 13. It was just a 5K and even though I had only run a couple of times I thought I could still handle it. Yeah right. I can't believe how quickly I got out of shape. I ran the whole thing but was dragging! And I was super sore the next couple of days. I have never run in snow so that was different. It was also 10 degrees outside! We finished in 32 minutes. Again, I was happy with my time considering. But I finished my last 5K in 26 minutes. Big difference.

Now, I am doing what I knew I would do at the beginning of the year. Choosing sleep over exercise. Choosing laziness over healthiness. Choosing to veg out in front of my TV at night after my boys are asleep rather than blogging. I know I feel better when I blog. It's cathartic and I get great inspiration and advice. I know I feel better when I run. I have a better start to my day and my body looks better. But...I have not been doing it. I just have been spent. I am sorry if you were a regular reader. I am trying to get better. Usually I'm great at juggling multiple things in my life, but lately I suck.

I TRULY want to learn how to meditate. I just can't seem to turn my brain off. I try to just say a phrase over and over, but then my mind starts spinning with things I need to do, should have done, or regret doing. Any meditators out there have any advice? We had a snow day today so I did 5 miles. Yeah. Maybe I'm on a roll...3 times I've run this week including the Jingle Bell Run. I don't want to wait until Jan. 1st to get it together. I want to and will get it together starting now!